Why are you still single?

Isn't that just the absolute worst question to hear?  

What type of answer are they expecting?  Something tearful and heartfelt?  I doubt it.

Here are some answers that I have come up with to stop with the question.

Why are you still single?
I decided to dedicate myself to the Tibetan monk lifestyle.

Why are you still single?
I just think other humans as a whole are gross and despicable. 

Why are you still single?
I'm studying to be a Catholic Priest

Why are you still single?
I was in a relationship, but then he killed a bunch of people, and I'm a little scarred.

Why are you still single?
My vagina has teeth.

Why are you still single?
I'm waiting for an alien invasion...I see myself with someone other-worldly.

Why are you still single?
My dog is too important for me to bring another man into my life.

I mean...come on.  Yes, I know I'm still single.  Is there a reason?  If there is, I don't freaking know!  It's not like I've made it my life mission to be 28 and single...Oh, and guess what?  I know that I'm single.  I don't need you asking questions about it like you really need to know.  You don't.  Trust me.  You don't.