A little birdie is trying to kill me

I've been kind of M.I.A. lately.  There was a holiday and family time, etc.  The real reason:  There is a mockingbird that has taken up residence outside my bedroom window.  Not just any mockingbird.  The pimp daddy of all male viral ready-to-mate mockingbirds.  Little known fact...male mockingbirds call non-stop all night in order to attract a female...because the competition is less at night.  If it were a seagull and was repetitive, I might get used to it.  No.  It is not repetitive, you cannot drown it out, you cannot ignore it, you cannot put a pillow over your face and meditate it away.  This beast of tortuous vocal abilities knows every dang bird call in the United States of America.  He even pulled out some toucan last night.  I swear to you.

I have never wanted to own a gun so much in my life.  I feel like Zooey's character in "Failure to Launch"...driven to drinking and madness and randomly wandering the isles of the local sport stores, asking which gun would do the most damage to a small bird.  I know I would never actually be able to hurt the dang thing, but the insanity has GOT TO STOP!!! 

Anyone have a large owl decoy I can borrow for a bit?

Anyways, my recent sleep deprevation has further deprived my "polite non-sarcastic in public" filter and I've had to avoid most people for fear of insulting beyond acceptable levels.

For example, my dear friends met my sister and I out at a little pub in town this past weekend.  Said friends are very used to my lack of filter and usually laugh at the rediculous things that come out of my mouth sometimes.  I was even less filter-y than usual on Saturday and after discussing with myself loudly the wonderful transvestite-like makeup on this lady who came in and sat near us (I mean, this girl could use the bronzer and eyebrow pencil), their group got up and moved across the pub.  After my friends calmed down from laughing so hard, they explained my lack of filter was going to get us into trouble.

It didn't, but I certainly kept my friends entertained that night. 

Mean, sarcastic, and sleep deprived.  Stay out of my way until a little birdie gets laid and leaves town.